There are a lot of people out there suffering work stress in silence.
Sometimes I hear from them, and they say something like, yeah, wow, I’ve really got a lot of stress in my job and they roll their eyes, implying that it’s bad, but not so bad that they’re going to do anything about it. They tell me they’re handling it. But, they say, there’s another guy in the office who could REALLY use your help.
If that’s you, I wish you all the best.
I was like that myself, but the more firepower and self-will I threw at the problem, the more exhausted and debilitated I became. I lost all my mojo and the stress just sat there. I switched jobs. It came with me. I switched jobs again. It came with me again.
See the picture?
It turned out I’d gone beyond the point of no return. Previously a highly successful and sought-after I.T. leader, I’d now become embattled – weakened by chronic stress. My performance suffered and I became anxious. Insomnia crept in. The flame went out.
But here’s why you won’t seek help for long-term stress.
You don’t believe in coaching
Isn’t it some hokey thing that anyone can say they do? Why yes, yes it is. Completely unregulated. Most of us were used car salesmen in a previous life.
You don’t believe it will work for you
You think it might work for some people, but not you – you’re different; too stubborn; too financially strapped; too smart; too professional; too anxious; too old; in the wrong profession; stress is a normal part of your job; a coach won’t understand your particular position
You don’t want to engage in ‘talking therapy’
Navel-gazing has zero appeal. A beer with your mates will more likely fix it.
Coaching is for broken people and losers
And you’re nowhere near that, you’ve got broad shoulders, you’ve got plenty of drive and professionalism and you will fix it.
You’ve always* managed to fix your problems before (*mostly)
Good. Because you’ll need to be strong on this one, if indeed you have the kind of chronic stress, anxiety, disengagement and exhaustion that lead to burnout.
You’re doing fine, it’s just a temporary blip
Even though the blip has elongated in to more of a bleeeeep.
It’s too expensive
Right. Compared to losing your job, your career or your home. Compared to losing your partner or family. Compared to all the addictive things you might resort to, to cover up the real problem. Compared to losing your health and ending up in hospital. Compared to spending years in therapy if you crash.
You will lose your job/career
If anyone finds out, word will spread like wildfire and people will say you’re no good any more.
You’re going to change jobs anyway, to seek more reward
Good luck. I hope for your sake that your stress and anxiety are not transferrable skills.
You’re just too busy right now
And then? When you’ve really run out of gas? Is overwork a recent thing for you?
How about this other reason?
You’re scared that admitting defeat on this will cause your whole world to collapse – you’ll lose status, lose your job, your identity and your mind; you see it as failure, and failure’s not an option; you’re worried about letting people down; you’re pretty sure you’re family won’t want to witness any of it – they want you to stay strong; it will be humiliating – you’ll have to admit some embarrassing stuff; it might get in to emotions and you don’t want to go there; you don’t know how you’ll change or who you will be if you let this one out of the bag; you’re concerned it might bring on huge changes in your life; you might start wearing cardies and listening to Beethoven.
Don’t start coaching if:
…you feel fine as you are
…you don’t want to change
…you can manage your stress load
…you don’t need any stress relief
…you have always succeeded in managing stress before and you will this time
…you aren’t busy every waking moment
…your performance is excellent
…you find work stimulating and challenging
…your mind is as sharp as it’s always been
…your workmates love working with you and you enjoy working with them
…you never complain about work
…your leadership skills are better than ever
…you sleep well or enjoy not sleeping
…you want to get up every morning feeling unrefreshed and dreading the day
…you enjoy the litany of anxious thoughts that starts up every morning when you wake
…you don’t like hanging out relaxing with your friends
…you don’t want to spend quality engaged time with your family
…you like feeling undervalued and overworked
…you have endless energy to dispense on work
…you think lack of reward is what you deserve
…you don’t miss light-hearted banter and sustaining connections with people
…you prefer to cope alone
…you still have an even temper and a sense of humour
…you find time for all the things in life that you love to do
…you have no sign of physical illness
…your partner/family aren’t missing you
…your relationships are all going well
…you feel joy often
…you look forward to 5 or 10 more years like this
There are a lot of people out there suffering work stress in silence.
If that’s you, I’m going to pray it gets better. If it doesn’t, come talk to me and let’s fix it.
I teach work survival skills. Fast.
Join me for a free call to start making a plan.
Here’s what a recent client said:
Read >> HOW COACHING WORKS
P.S. I guess for the record, I should mention there’s no navel gazing. Sorry about that, for you lint-lovers.
Coaching is just learning practical tools to lift performance, mood and relationships.
